Now that we have finally made some progress on our Deployment Countdown and the homecoming date "seems" to be as certain as Navy-certain gets, I think the kids and I have finally gotten into the deployment groove. We all still miss Paul every day, but maybe the missing him is starting to be the norm. We know that each night we go to bed is one less night of blowing kisses to him in the air, and every morning we wake up is one morning closer to the morning we get to put on our homecoming outfits and go pick him up at the squadron. So we are groovin'; I feel like I am growing through this experience. Groovin' and growing is good for this Momma's soul.
Perhaps the groove is feeling pretty good since we just had two very special visitors in the last month. Paul's mom was out here for a week and when I say "Paul's mom" I mean "The Laundry Queen." No kidding. First time since Paul left in December that ALL of our clothes were clean. Dishes were cleaned and unloaded from the dishwasher BEFORE a whole other load of dirty dishes piled up on the counter. I kind of forgot those things were possible. In fact, Paul's mom did something even more impossible... or even more important... she gave me room to breathe, to play with the kids, and brought my enthusiasm for motherhood way way WAY up. Enthusiasm is good for this Momma's soul.
Our other special visitor was my childhood neighbor. We've known eachother since I was 6 1/2. We played Barbies, kick-the-can, and volleyball together. We lived nextdoor to each other and, for one summer, in the same apartment together. Her visit was a bunch of fun and totally, completely comfortable. Stacy helped the kids and I plant one of our neighborhood's garden boxes. We planted a bunch of herbs, strawberries (per Matthew's request), and wild flowers. We also planted a few flower boxes for our backyard - "red flowers" (per Grace's request). We watched a terrible movie and laughed all the way through it. We went to the gym two mornings in a row and laughed all the way through both of those mornings. Laughter is definitely good for this Momma's soul.
To top off all my soul nourishment, I got to spend this afternoon with a dear friend, her husband, and their tiny, perfect, completely adorable 2-day-old baby boy. Oh sweet Heaven, is he cute! Sweet baby smell, tiny little teeney diaper butt, cute little baby yawns, and those wonderous eyes peaking out and blinking and blinking are good for this Momma(who will not be having another tiny miracle of her own)'s soul.
So here we are on a Saturday night, watching a movie, and having a "camp out" in the family room. The kids and I are groovin' and I am feeling like my soul is ready for the next 4 months... or at least 4 weeks, when my mom visits!
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Thursday, December 29, 2011
The Story of Us: Girl Meets Boy
Today, my husband and I are celebrating 10 years of marriage. We are many many miles apart, but our hearts are definitely linked. In honor of our celebration, I will tell you "our" story. Sit back, relax, grab your reading glasses if necessary... it's a bit of a long story...
SUMMER 1993
I just finished 7th grade of Catholic School; Paul just graduated from the local public junior high. Let's add two more characters: My sister, who just graduated from Catholic School and will begin freshman year at the local public high school, and my neighbor, who is also graduating from the local junior high with Paul amd will be going to the same high school as my sister. They are my link to Paul. My neighbor kindly invited her friends (Paul included) over to her house to introduce them to my sister. I'm not sure if I met Paul that day, but I know I saw him. He was amazing. Blond hair with a little Beverly-Hills-90210-esque style with his bangs. He was tan and oh-so mature.... you know... as a soon-to-be freshman.
Paul claims we met on the bike path while he was out riding with one of his buddies, and I was out riding with my neighbor. I claim we met at his buddy's baseball game. I'm not sure, but we definitely met in the Summer of '93. I instantly developed a HUGE crush on him. He talked to me and included me while some of my sister's other friends did not. We went to Six Flags Great America as a group... the sun was bright... I got a headache... he let me wear his baseball cap. <Swoon> There was much talk of who liked who that summer. Did you like him, or did you 'like like' him? Hands would touch accidentally, or maybe NOT accidentally? We played Kick-The-Can and Capture-The-Flag and volleyball in our neighbor's yard... all of which included strategicly picked teams. We all went on bike rides; we went to the pool; we played more volleyball. My heart was flipping during most of the summer.
And then..... my family went on vacation during the end of the summer. On the night before we left, Paul called into the local radio station and dedicated a song to me: UB40's "Can't Help Falling In Love." One week later we returned and got together with the group.... but Paul wasn't around. Apparently, he had started hanging out with a new girl and they were... dating.
OCTOBER 1994
After a year at separate schools, my crush faded a bit, but I often thought of that Paul Paul Meyer. I started my freshman year and happened to pass him a few times in the hall. Again, he always said "hello" to me and didn't treat me like I was just Katie's Little Sister. Homecoming was coming up and I was not planning on going with anyone special, probably just a group of girls from the Freshman volleyball team. One night, my sister got a phone call from Paul and was talking to him in her room. Obviously, I was standing at her door listening to everything she said. I heard her start talking about Homecoming.... oh my gosh, was he asking her to Homecoming?! That would be terrible. Traitorous. "Oh Paul, You HAVE to go!" "Well, I don't think Betsy has a date yet." NO WAY! "Yeah. You should go with her." HOLY HOMECOMING DATE! "Okay, I'll ask her. I'll call you back."
A few days later, I was getting all dolled up in my Homecoming dress (a strapless dress that my mom sewed straps onto, of course; blue sequins on top, white bubble skirt on the bottom), fluffing my permed hair and making sure I didn't have any food caught in my braces. My sister's group of friends were meeting at our house for pictures before we headed out to a pre-dance dinner. Paul walked in with a bunch of guys looking as handsome as I'd ever seen him. He was wearing a tie (with Mickey Mouse on it) and his barely-there goatee made him look so manly! We took pictures as a group and as couples. As we got into the car to head to dinner he looked at me and said, "You look beautiful." I lost my breath for a moment, then recovered and said, "You do too... uh... I mean... not beautiful, but good. Handsome. You look great." Ugh.
I felt giddy and shaky and worried that my palms were too sweaty.
I made it through dinner without getting pasta on my dress and even solved the Wheel of Fortune puzzle (why was Wheel of Fortune on at a restaurant?! I don't know) by guessing "Chicago Bears" with only the E on the screen. Nice. We headed back to the high school after dinner and I can still remember walking into the gymnasium that night. I had never seen a gym decked out for a dance like that before. It was the same place I had practiced volleyball for six weeks. But that night it seemed truly magical to me... or maybe it was because Paul had grabbed my hand when we started to get jostled around in a big crowd of high school students dressed to the nines. We danced, we talked, we laughed. Then we danced again to a BoyzIIMen song and he kissed me! My first kiss ever. Amazing and completely memorable.
After Homecoming night, we dated for four weeks. When I say "dated" I mean we wrote notes back and forth a few times a day. Met in the hallway after school and kissed a few times before we headed off to football and volleyball practices. He couldn't drive yet, I couldn't drive yet.... I wasn't allowed to hang out with his older friends who could drive... clearly, it wasn't that great of a dating experience and we broke up pretty quickly. But my heart still swooned.
FALL 1994 - SPRING 1997
Through my high school years, I continued to swoon over Paul Paul Meyer. On occassion I thought maybe he liked me again.... then he definitely made it clear he did not 'like like' me.... for a few months, I made it clear that I did not even like him as a friend. The years were filled with normal high school drama. I wrote about him in my diary... I was smitten with him. I was mad at him. I did not care about him. I was friends with him. By his senior and my junior year, we had finally developed a pretty good friendship. I still swooned a tiny bit, but I knew it was better for me not to date him anymore. However, I knew that I would know him for a long time. In his Senior year yearbook, I wrote, "I'll see you in 30 years." For whatever reason, I just knew that I would know Paul Meyer when he was a grown man and we would at least be friends.
SUMMER 1997 - SUMMER 1999
For the next two years, Paul and I kept in touch over email and an occassional phone call. He had headed off to Annapois, MD, for the Naval Academy; I completed high school and headed down to University of Illinios, Chapaign-Urbana. When we were both home for the holidays or summer, we would go out to lunch and catch-up with each other. I had given up on my smitten-ness, and we had grown into good friends.
FALL 1999 - FALL 2000
On a whim and during a moment of "I don't care if these seems completely illogical" I went to a Travel Agent's office (remember those?!) and bought a plane ticket to Baltimore for Labor Day Weekend. I got back to my apartment, called Paul and said, "Guess what?! I just bought a ticket to come out and see you." My intention was that he would introduce me to some of the good-looking Naval Academy guys he knew. Huh. I flew out there, and he met me at the airport.... and all of sudden the smitten feelings came rushing back. Oh my. He had to take me to his sponsor's house and then get back on the Yard since Navy had a football game the next day. We planned to meet-up after the 1st quarter. I stood by the gate that we had previously agreed would be our meeting spot and I looked around at all the matchy-matchy guys in summer white uniforms with their black rain jackets and white covers. Talk about Where's Waldo... except the 'Waldo' I was looking for wasn't wearing a stripey shirt and a stocking cap... he was wearing the same summer whites, black jacket, and white cover. Eventually we found each other and Paul reached for my hand and we fell into step heading out for the tail-gater and his friends. After the game, we walked around the Yard for a little while. If you've never been to the Naval Academy, it is really quite fantastic (maybe not for the Mids who live there, but it is for a "girl friend" visiting for the first time). The buildings are kind of stoic, the water is right there, and the sunset just happened to be beautiful. We walked and talked and he gave me a tour of all the typical sites. And then we sat on a bench and started talking about "us." Remember, Homecoming 1994.... "I felt giddy and shaky and worried that my palms were too sweaty," that's exactly how I felt again. The weekend ended with Paul and I willing to see how a long-distance relationship might work for us. We were pretty realistic that it might not be best for us... given our history... but it felt right and definitely worth a try.
I came back out to Annapolis over Thanksgiving break and then Paul was home for Christmas break. We had our ups and downs and normal challenegs for a long-distance relationship, but by the end of Christmas break, Paul had told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too. From that point on, we spoke on the phone once a week and managed to see eachother every 6 weeks or so. (I booked my flights out to see him during particularly busy flights and volunteered to get bumped, thus earning my next free ticket to Annapolis.) We spent a month together over the summer while Paul was on leave from the Academy and our relationship took a turn from serious to life-changing. We knew we were heading toward an engagement... it was just a matter of time. Paul had a few opprotunities according to my calculations.... 1. Parent's Weekend at the Academy (I was coming out to visit too)in September, 2. His Sprint football game that I was coming out to see in October, 3. The Army/Navy game in December, and lastly, 4. Christmas.
In late fall, after a lack of a proposal, Paul and I had asked our families to meet for breakfast on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We wanted our families to meet eachother before we committed to joining them together forever. Paul had mentioned that he wanted to ask my dad for permission to marry me so I helpfully told him my schedule over break, emphasizing the time when I would be out of the house and my dad would be home. Paul insisted on hanging out with me at all those times so we split the Thanksgiving holiday between our houses, and I spent a late night at Paul's house on Thanksgiving. Surprisingly, my parents didn't care I was out so late... they must have realized we were getting so serious.
Saturday morning rolled around and I was a nervous wreck having my family and Paul's family meeting over breakfast. I didn't know what to wear... when I picked out a sweater and dress pants, my sister asked, "is that what you're going to wear? Don't you have anything cuter?" Ahhhhhh.... I'm nervous enough... leave my outfit alone. As my family got into our car to head to the restaurant, my mom casually brings the video camera with her. My mom was crazy about video taping things and making our friends watch embarassing figure skating videos. "Mom. You are NOT video taping this meal." My mom just shrugged and said, "Oh, Betsy, relax." I looked at my sister for some back up and she just said, "You know mom. Just let her bring the video camera." Geesh... Katie was surely not helping me out.
We got to the restaurant and we all said polite hellos. Paul looked like he was going to throw up. All through the meal he barely ate his food and was soooo quiet. There was only one thing going on here.... He wanted to break up... His family hated my family.... He is so going to dump me after we eat breakfast. See look... he's backing up out of his chair... oh gosh.... he's going to say something...... "Well, it's been a long time coming," holy cow, he's going to dump me right here in front of my family! "but I'm glad that we are all here together." oh no, he's getting choked up... I'm going to hold his hand under the table and give him some support even though he's breaking up with me... wait...a...minute...... what is that in his hands???? that feels like a small suede box..... I'm not even listening to what he's saying.... he's pushing his chair back! and getting down. on. one. knee!!!!!!! "Betsy, will you marry me?!"
Apparently after our late night together on Thanksgiving, Paul work up early and met with my parents while I was still asleep in bed!!!! What a little stinker. I had no idea it was coming (since I thought he was breaking up with me) because I was waiting for him to ask my dad. My mom got some of it on video and I am so mad I wore such a dumb looking sweater. Turns out my sister ALWAYS has my back.
I obviously said "YES!" and we were married 13 months later on December 29th, 2001.
NOW
Today marks TEN years as a married couple. I am often amazed that I married Paul Paul Meyer. I am thankful that we have shared so many memories together, not only as a couple, but as goofy high schoolers. And I am thrilled that I need not worry about what Paul will think of me when I am wrinkly and gray.... he loved me when I had braces and a perm.
Happy Anniversary, Paul!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
WEEK TWO: Another spare moment
***I started this blog yesterday, but didn't have time to finish... it's now 24 hours later, and I'm hoping to get it completed***
Merry Christmas, everyone! I am officially thrilled that this holiday went smoothly at our house but am equally thrilled that it's over. Now I just need to get through an Anniversary, New Year's Eve, and Valentine's Day and all the obvious "Day To Spend With Your Husband" celebrations will be over. One down, three to go. I'm hoping this one will be the most difficult for the following reasons:
Anniversary (this will be second-most-difficult): On our tenth anniversary, I will be hanging out with my sister, brother-in-law, and brand-new niece. I bet it will be sweet and cuddley and that will make me happy!
New Year's Eve: I have pretty much always hated New Year's Eve. I always wanted a movie-like New Year's Eve and it has NEVER happened. Once, in college, we went out to a bar that had a huge cover charge and was trying to be "fancy".... we were downstairs and heard the countdown start upstairs so we tried to run upstairs for the big moment, but missed it.... by the time we got upstairs we realized they were counting down downstairs and we managed to miss that one too. (What establishment hosts a fancy New Year's Eve party and doesn't coordinate the countdown?! Who manages to miss both?!) My best New Year's Eve was '05-'06... Paul and I at a friend's house, playing cards, toasting to "a baby in the New Year" (for them, not us) and we both ended up with new babies by the next New Year's! So.... I don't think this year's will be too difficult, except for the moment of the kiss... but I've been missing kisses for 2 weeks, so that's nothing new.
Valentine's Day: I'm also not a big fan of this "holiday" but still, to have Valentine's Day without the hubster will make it a little less exciting. However.... I will either be celebrating with my Spouse Club for our half-way party OR visiting besties in VA that weekend. Either will be exceptional.
So... now that the presents are opened and Santa is resting, I too can rest in the fact that I made it through Christmas without my favorite guy.
Below... if I can get it to work.... is a link to a bit of a video from Week Two that will be heading out to the boat in a few days. Hopefully a weekly video will help Paul from feeling out of the loop. (It's 10 minutes long... which is long when we aren't your family... and you can hear me sing "Happy Birthday" which isn't very in-tune... but it's really for Paul and he's okay with a long video of bad singing.)
Merry Christmas, everyone! I am officially thrilled that this holiday went smoothly at our house but am equally thrilled that it's over. Now I just need to get through an Anniversary, New Year's Eve, and Valentine's Day and all the obvious "Day To Spend With Your Husband" celebrations will be over. One down, three to go. I'm hoping this one will be the most difficult for the following reasons:
Anniversary (this will be second-most-difficult): On our tenth anniversary, I will be hanging out with my sister, brother-in-law, and brand-new niece. I bet it will be sweet and cuddley and that will make me happy!
New Year's Eve: I have pretty much always hated New Year's Eve. I always wanted a movie-like New Year's Eve and it has NEVER happened. Once, in college, we went out to a bar that had a huge cover charge and was trying to be "fancy".... we were downstairs and heard the countdown start upstairs so we tried to run upstairs for the big moment, but missed it.... by the time we got upstairs we realized they were counting down downstairs and we managed to miss that one too. (What establishment hosts a fancy New Year's Eve party and doesn't coordinate the countdown?! Who manages to miss both?!) My best New Year's Eve was '05-'06... Paul and I at a friend's house, playing cards, toasting to "a baby in the New Year" (for them, not us) and we both ended up with new babies by the next New Year's! So.... I don't think this year's will be too difficult, except for the moment of the kiss... but I've been missing kisses for 2 weeks, so that's nothing new.
Valentine's Day: I'm also not a big fan of this "holiday" but still, to have Valentine's Day without the hubster will make it a little less exciting. However.... I will either be celebrating with my Spouse Club for our half-way party OR visiting besties in VA that weekend. Either will be exceptional.
So... now that the presents are opened and Santa is resting, I too can rest in the fact that I made it through Christmas without my favorite guy.
Below... if I can get it to work.... is a link to a bit of a video from Week Two that will be heading out to the boat in a few days. Hopefully a weekly video will help Paul from feeling out of the loop. (It's 10 minutes long... which is long when we aren't your family... and you can hear me sing "Happy Birthday" which isn't very in-tune... but it's really for Paul and he's okay with a long video of bad singing.)
Monday, December 12, 2011
Let the countdown begin!
 |
| (An old photo of USS Abe Lincoln) See the funny propellor on the left side of the bridge? That's the E2-C |
While we got ready for school, I vascilated between weepy and okay. Grace's teacher gave me a hug and I turned to a pile of mush. I got to the gym and forced myself to run a mile and started to feel a lot better. Luckily today was a training day with Steph and she had planned a heavy workout. For one hour I focused on making my body do what Steph told me I had to do. There is such relief in spending time with my brain turned off and pushing my little muscles to do more than they want to do. By the end of the hour, I felt pretty wiped out with not much more energy to give to weepiness. But then, I talked to my mom, and then there were a few more tears. Eventually, the kids were home from school, lunch had been eaten, Sam was down for a nap, and I could take a nice long shower. I took a short nap and woke up feeling like a million bucks.
Monday nights are Small Group nights, so fortunately I had a babysitter lined up and was able to take a few hours with some wonderful friends from church. When you can't be with your hubby, it is pretty darn good to be with good friends. We even blew off doing the Bible study and played board games! When you can't be with your hubby, it is really darn good to be with good friends and board games! I tucked the kids into bed when I came home, emailed a "good night" to Paul (who did indeed make it safely onboard earlier today) and now have an hour or so to relax. Not a bad ending to a not-so-happy day.
I am feeling relatively confident in our family's ability to make it through this deployment with a minimal amount of tears and stress and frustration. (Knock on wood.) Paul and I have done quite a bit of prep work in getting ourselves "set up for success" and our expectations managed.
Our Deployment Survival Kit:
X Arm pillow for Betsy (picture will be posted on Friday)
X Build-a-Bears with Daddy's voice message for each kiddo (thanks for the idea, Ash!)
X A t-shirt of Paul's for each kid to snuggle with at night
X Jar o'Kisses from Daddy for each kid each night
X Pictures of all of each of us with Paul (for us and for him)
X Digital photo frame loaded with photos for Paul
X Envelopes/paper and color-coded stickers so the kids will see the sticker and know it's a card from Daddy for them.
X Lots of videos of Daddy reading nighttime books to the kids
X New camera for Mommy to take video of kids for Daddy (Merry Christmas, me!)
Deployment Expectations:
We will email every day assuming the email is up and running on the ship.
We will Skype when Paul is in port.
We will get a handwritten note from Paul (hopefully once a month - Paul, are you reading this?!) hee hee.
We will send mail to Paul every week... hopefully the aircraft carrier made a weight allowance for lots of finger-paintings and such from the Meyer kids.
....only 142 days left!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
A Case of PDD - Pre-Deployment Dread
And so begins the countdown clock. Deployment will begin in a month, give or take (please, please give) a day or two. Every military family knows the dates will wibble and wobble based on ship movements and who gets to fly-on or walk-on; but a month is pretty much what we are looking at. It seems like a long time and a short time... all at the same time. With each day, though, the knot in the pit of my stomach grows and is more difficult to ignore. It's a severe case of Pre-Deployment Dread.
If you are unfamiliar with PDD, let me break it down for you*:
Causes: PDD is generally caused by an upcoming military deployment. In most cases, the severity of the dread is directly related to the length of the aforementioned deployment.
Types: PDD can be present in two differing, yet quite similar forms:
A. Actual Pre-Deployment Dread: This form is evident when a deployment date is real and set on the calendar. (A)PDD shows more consistent and long-lasting symptoms. Oftentimes, symptoms are intense and experienced on a daily basis.
B. Rumored/Hypothetical Pre-Deployment Dread: This form of PDD is experienced when military spouses have discussions with other military spouses or their spouse about the possibility of a deployment. At times this dread can show itself when a military spouse is sitting alone and just thinking of possibilities in their spouse's career. (R/H)PDD has symptoms that generally last only as long as the discussion/day-dreaming session. (R/H)PDD can prove to be as intense as (A)PDD.
Symptoms: A person experiencing PDD may experience all or some of the following:
* An undeniable knot in the pit of your stomach making you feel like you may 'toss your cookies' at any moment.
* Always being on the brink of tears and never quite knowing when they are going to get tired of waiting just beneath the surface and erupt.
* An intense need to hang on to your spouse when giving hugs.... just about when a "normal" hug would end, you just need to hang on a little bit longer.
* The inability to complete a chore during the day without thinking of the next stretch of months when you will be doing the chore alone.
* Continually looking at the calendar and doing mental math as to how many more weeks or days you have until D-Day.
* Grumpily picking up supplies to make calendar squares.
* Day-dreaming of holidays and family celebrations that you will celebrate with your 'better half' half a world away... and either feeling super-sad, super-irritated, or super-bold in your determination to make it a fun celebration anyway... or feeling all three emotions at the same time.
* Alternating between a deep sense of pride in the military branch that your family is serving in and a deep sense of hatred; always knowing full well you will circle back around to the pride.
* Making many mental lists of how you are going to improve yourself, organize your house, keep your kids busy, stay in touch with your spouse, and somehow enjoy the deployment.
* Making many metal lists of how you are going to stretch out in the bed at night, watch whatever you want to on television, eat popcorn for dinner if you so feel like it, and not pick up dirty underwears off the floor.
* Snapping at your spouse for no particular reason, while knowing deep down it's just because you don't want him to leave.
Diagnosis: If you answer "yes" to these three questions, you can go ahead an diagnose yourself with PDD:
1. Is/Will your spouse be deployed in the future?
2. Do you feel grumpy, sad, and dread-ful about it?
3. Are you experiencing any of the listed symptoms?
Treatment: Treatment for PDD varies depending on each person's personality. Some treatments include:
* Allow yourself a Day of Dread. Just wallow in it for a bit but tell yourself you're going to have to get over it.
* When suffering the symptom of needing longer hugs from your spouse, go ahead and hug longer. Hug more often.
* Make those mental lists into real lists that you can add to instead of re-hashing them in your mind.
* Talk to another military spouse about how your feeling, but make sure it doesn't turn into a complete complain fest for you both... otherwise symptoms will most likely increase.
* Talk to your spouse about your dread. (I highly recommend beginning this conversation with something along the lines of, "I'm not mad at YOU and I'm not blaming you, I know you would stay home if you could. I just want to tell you how I feel.")
* Pray about it. No one on Earth understands you better than the Big Guy Upstairs.
* Go shopping, but instead of picking up random things, try to come up with something that will be useful during the deployment. (a workout DVD, a long-term craft, cards to mail to the hubster, a bottle of wine for each month of deployment, whatever works for you... )
* Accept that it just sort of SUCKS right now, but before long you'll be experiencing Deployment Daze and then Homecoming Highs.
*PLEASE NOTE: this is completely made up and is just what is floating through my head when I'm not making mental lists of Things I will Hate During Deployment and Things I will Enjoy During Deployment. If you are experiencing real-life symptoms of depression, please please please respect that and go talk to your doctor about it.
And in honor of my PDD, here's a picture of my most-favorite Deployer (from two years & one kid ago... but it's my ultimate favorite photo):
If you are unfamiliar with PDD, let me break it down for you*:
Causes: PDD is generally caused by an upcoming military deployment. In most cases, the severity of the dread is directly related to the length of the aforementioned deployment.
Types: PDD can be present in two differing, yet quite similar forms:
A. Actual Pre-Deployment Dread: This form is evident when a deployment date is real and set on the calendar. (A)PDD shows more consistent and long-lasting symptoms. Oftentimes, symptoms are intense and experienced on a daily basis.
B. Rumored/Hypothetical Pre-Deployment Dread: This form of PDD is experienced when military spouses have discussions with other military spouses or their spouse about the possibility of a deployment. At times this dread can show itself when a military spouse is sitting alone and just thinking of possibilities in their spouse's career. (R/H)PDD has symptoms that generally last only as long as the discussion/day-dreaming session. (R/H)PDD can prove to be as intense as (A)PDD.
Symptoms: A person experiencing PDD may experience all or some of the following:
* An undeniable knot in the pit of your stomach making you feel like you may 'toss your cookies' at any moment.
* Always being on the brink of tears and never quite knowing when they are going to get tired of waiting just beneath the surface and erupt.
* An intense need to hang on to your spouse when giving hugs.... just about when a "normal" hug would end, you just need to hang on a little bit longer.
* The inability to complete a chore during the day without thinking of the next stretch of months when you will be doing the chore alone.
* Continually looking at the calendar and doing mental math as to how many more weeks or days you have until D-Day.
* Grumpily picking up supplies to make calendar squares.
* Day-dreaming of holidays and family celebrations that you will celebrate with your 'better half' half a world away... and either feeling super-sad, super-irritated, or super-bold in your determination to make it a fun celebration anyway... or feeling all three emotions at the same time.
* Alternating between a deep sense of pride in the military branch that your family is serving in and a deep sense of hatred; always knowing full well you will circle back around to the pride.
* Making many mental lists of how you are going to improve yourself, organize your house, keep your kids busy, stay in touch with your spouse, and somehow enjoy the deployment.
* Making many metal lists of how you are going to stretch out in the bed at night, watch whatever you want to on television, eat popcorn for dinner if you so feel like it, and not pick up dirty underwears off the floor.
* Snapping at your spouse for no particular reason, while knowing deep down it's just because you don't want him to leave.
Diagnosis: If you answer "yes" to these three questions, you can go ahead an diagnose yourself with PDD:
1. Is/Will your spouse be deployed in the future?
2. Do you feel grumpy, sad, and dread-ful about it?
3. Are you experiencing any of the listed symptoms?
Treatment: Treatment for PDD varies depending on each person's personality. Some treatments include:
* Allow yourself a Day of Dread. Just wallow in it for a bit but tell yourself you're going to have to get over it.
* When suffering the symptom of needing longer hugs from your spouse, go ahead and hug longer. Hug more often.
* Make those mental lists into real lists that you can add to instead of re-hashing them in your mind.
* Talk to another military spouse about how your feeling, but make sure it doesn't turn into a complete complain fest for you both... otherwise symptoms will most likely increase.
* Talk to your spouse about your dread. (I highly recommend beginning this conversation with something along the lines of, "I'm not mad at YOU and I'm not blaming you, I know you would stay home if you could. I just want to tell you how I feel.")
* Pray about it. No one on Earth understands you better than the Big Guy Upstairs.
* Go shopping, but instead of picking up random things, try to come up with something that will be useful during the deployment. (a workout DVD, a long-term craft, cards to mail to the hubster, a bottle of wine for each month of deployment, whatever works for you... )
* Accept that it just sort of SUCKS right now, but before long you'll be experiencing Deployment Daze and then Homecoming Highs.
*PLEASE NOTE: this is completely made up and is just what is floating through my head when I'm not making mental lists of Things I will Hate During Deployment and Things I will Enjoy During Deployment. If you are experiencing real-life symptoms of depression, please please please respect that and go talk to your doctor about it.
And in honor of my PDD, here's a picture of my most-favorite Deployer (from two years & one kid ago... but it's my ultimate favorite photo):
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Reunion-Farewell-ER-PICU-Houshunting-Baby Shower
It has been a loooo-oooong while since the last time I wrote. There's a lot to catch you up on... so be prepared for a looooo-oooooong post...
Labor Day Weekend
* Went to the hubby's USNA Class Reunion.
* Had a great time visiting with friends I hadn't seen in a looooong time.
* Missed one particular friend IMMENSELY when I ran into her husband and not her. Too bad she was off traveling in Europe.
* Enjoyed a little alone time with the hubby. So wonderful.
Weekend Trip to VA
* Sadly went down to Virginia to say "So long, Farewell, Alfeeterzane (phonetically spelled, of course), Good Bye" or in the language of the Navy "See you next time we're stationed together" to many good good good good great friends.
* It was sad and difficult to say the least.
* The trip began a good three days of me spontaneously crying and begrudging the Navy.
Birthday Celebration for G
* Planned to take G and her good buddy (and buddy's mom, who is my good buddy) up to Annapolis to do a little pottery painting and lunching in honor of G's 5th birthday.
* Excited to do a little something special for her for her birthday AND a good way for her to make one last good memory with her buddy.
Birthday Celebration Cancelled for Trip to the ER which led to trip to PICU
* The evening before we were planning on the Big 5 Celebration, S got a runny nose and started to sound congested. We've seen this before and it requires a trip to the ER.
* Hoped and hoped he wouldn't get worse through the night, but at 330am and 530am I had to give him a nebulizer treatment at home.
* At 7am, he was up again sounding much worse.
* My Buddy, who was planning on being with us that day, was kind and flexible and understanding and everything "friend" means, and came over to take G & M while I took S to the local ER.
* About two hours at the ER and we had S hooked up to an IV; he had received two intense breathing treatments and was not improving at a rate that pleased the local docs. The ER doc told me, "if he doesn't get better, we're going to have to transfer him to a hospital up in DC with a pediatric ICU." My thoughts were "oh, yikes. okay. but surely he'll get better."
* Overheard Doc on the phone saying, "patient shows high pulse rate. patient's retracting with every breath... blah blah blah... yeah. we'll fly him up to you."
* Honestly thought, "'fly him up to you'? wow, i bet we're gonna get in an ambulance with the lights on an 'fly' up there."
* Doc came to our little ER room and said "did you hear?" "yeah" "so we're gonna fly him up to Georgetown University Hospital. You can go in the helicopter too if you want." "whoah! you mean, fly-fly?!"
* Okay, so it was pretty serious. I didn't realize how scared I was at the time until after things got better and then thought back to everything and realized how dream-like it all felt. I got into a helicopter that they pointed me to (the view was pretty amazing... and the fact that I wasn't scared to death of flying shows that I was so scared about S, I couldn't muster up any more 'scared'), I heard what the docs were saying, but didn't comprehend much of it. And the most obvious sign that I was kind of freaked out was that the Resident doc didn't recognize me the next morning... she re-introduced herself to me the next morning, then said "oh my. I didn't even recognize you! you were so worried yesterday."
* P was out on the boat doing some carrier qual flights with a squadron out of Norfolk at the time. I was never able to get in touch with the duty officer at that squadron to get word to him that S and I were heading to DC.... but amazingly he got word on the ship and by the time I landed at Georgetown, he had already be scheduled on a flight off the ship for a few hours later. I am soooo grateful to all the Navy folks who stepped up and got that done for me.
* P showed up at the hospital later that evening. S was doing better, but still had a very fast heart rate and his breathing rate was concerning the Docs. He was up to 150 breaths per minute.
* Stayed at a local Holiday Inn for the night so I could get some sleep (after not sleeping the night before) and take a shower and have a moment to wrap my head around everything.
* S had a slower recovery than we hoped and had to do a breathing treatment constantly for 24 hours. By late Sunday night he was finally released from the PICU and admitted to general pediatrics. He was released from the hospital 36 hours later for a grand total of 3 and a half days at Georgetown University Hospital.
* It has been decided that he has asthma that is triggered by congestion. We are giving him daily allergy meds and a preventative nebulizer every day. We also have some steroid nebulizer treatments to give him if the retraction starts again.
**** I KNOW there are many many many parents who deal with much much much worse conditions and sicknesses with their kids. I do not, by any means, want to imply that this was the "worst thing ever" because I know we are very very blessed. My heart goes out to all those parents who have to spend long stays in the PICU.****
And On To CA
* The day after S was released from the hospital, P and I were supposed to be heading to CA for a conference and househunting.
* Postponed the departure date (a few $$ later) and stayed home until our local pediatrician checked him out and said he was doing fine. This postponement also let us be at home for G's actual birthday, which was an extra special treat since I thought we were going to miss it and I was having immense Mommy-Guilt about that.
* Arrived in CA two days late, but were there in time for my aformentioned size 8 dress. (Read back a post or two for more on that.)
* After the conference, we headed up to Ventura County to surprise some great friends at church who we hadn't seen for 4 years!
* Two days of house-hunting later, we signed a lease in a community we were really excited about living in.
Baby Shower in Chi-Town
* Two days after returning from CA, I headed back to the airport and flew to Chicago.
* Evening One in Chicago = worst nail salon experience ever (I'll write about that another day) and tapas dinner with Dad, my brother-in-law "R", and my most-fabulous sister "K"
* Morning One in Chicago = Hair Salon with K for a chic blow-out, Baby Shower at Tribute Restaurant (WON-DER-FUL) for my sister and my soon-to-be new niece "E" and getting to see lots of great people whom I haven't seen in quite a while.
* Afternoon One in Chicago = Drive up to my hometown to see my bestest high school friend "J" and her brand new baby girl!!! Precious, sweet, cute, loveable, snuggable, darling!!! (my friend's baby is all those things.... not my friend herself, that would be weird!)
* Evening Two in Chicago = Delicious Italian dinner with Mom and K, followed by a sleepover for the three of us at K's city apartment. If only we had Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea to watch!
* Morning Two in Chicago = Photo shoot of my sister and her baby bump, head to O'Hare and fly back to Baltimore.
And that, my friends, is what I did from September 2-October 2.
Which leads us nicely to The Big Move Across Country.... TBMAC....
Labor Day Weekend
* Went to the hubby's USNA Class Reunion.
* Had a great time visiting with friends I hadn't seen in a looooong time.
* Missed one particular friend IMMENSELY when I ran into her husband and not her. Too bad she was off traveling in Europe.
* Enjoyed a little alone time with the hubby. So wonderful.
Weekend Trip to VA
* Sadly went down to Virginia to say "So long, Farewell, Alfeeterzane (phonetically spelled, of course), Good Bye" or in the language of the Navy "See you next time we're stationed together" to many good good good good great friends.
* It was sad and difficult to say the least.
* The trip began a good three days of me spontaneously crying and begrudging the Navy.
Birthday Celebration for G
* Planned to take G and her good buddy (and buddy's mom, who is my good buddy) up to Annapolis to do a little pottery painting and lunching in honor of G's 5th birthday.
* Excited to do a little something special for her for her birthday AND a good way for her to make one last good memory with her buddy.
Birthday Celebration Cancelled for Trip to the ER which led to trip to PICU
* The evening before we were planning on the Big 5 Celebration, S got a runny nose and started to sound congested. We've seen this before and it requires a trip to the ER.
* Hoped and hoped he wouldn't get worse through the night, but at 330am and 530am I had to give him a nebulizer treatment at home.
* At 7am, he was up again sounding much worse.
* My Buddy, who was planning on being with us that day, was kind and flexible and understanding and everything "friend" means, and came over to take G & M while I took S to the local ER.
* About two hours at the ER and we had S hooked up to an IV; he had received two intense breathing treatments and was not improving at a rate that pleased the local docs. The ER doc told me, "if he doesn't get better, we're going to have to transfer him to a hospital up in DC with a pediatric ICU." My thoughts were "oh, yikes. okay. but surely he'll get better."
* Overheard Doc on the phone saying, "patient shows high pulse rate. patient's retracting with every breath... blah blah blah... yeah. we'll fly him up to you."
* Honestly thought, "'fly him up to you'? wow, i bet we're gonna get in an ambulance with the lights on an 'fly' up there."
* Doc came to our little ER room and said "did you hear?" "yeah" "so we're gonna fly him up to Georgetown University Hospital. You can go in the helicopter too if you want." "whoah! you mean, fly-fly?!"
* Okay, so it was pretty serious. I didn't realize how scared I was at the time until after things got better and then thought back to everything and realized how dream-like it all felt. I got into a helicopter that they pointed me to (the view was pretty amazing... and the fact that I wasn't scared to death of flying shows that I was so scared about S, I couldn't muster up any more 'scared'), I heard what the docs were saying, but didn't comprehend much of it. And the most obvious sign that I was kind of freaked out was that the Resident doc didn't recognize me the next morning... she re-introduced herself to me the next morning, then said "oh my. I didn't even recognize you! you were so worried yesterday."
* P was out on the boat doing some carrier qual flights with a squadron out of Norfolk at the time. I was never able to get in touch with the duty officer at that squadron to get word to him that S and I were heading to DC.... but amazingly he got word on the ship and by the time I landed at Georgetown, he had already be scheduled on a flight off the ship for a few hours later. I am soooo grateful to all the Navy folks who stepped up and got that done for me.
* P showed up at the hospital later that evening. S was doing better, but still had a very fast heart rate and his breathing rate was concerning the Docs. He was up to 150 breaths per minute.
* Stayed at a local Holiday Inn for the night so I could get some sleep (after not sleeping the night before) and take a shower and have a moment to wrap my head around everything.
* S had a slower recovery than we hoped and had to do a breathing treatment constantly for 24 hours. By late Sunday night he was finally released from the PICU and admitted to general pediatrics. He was released from the hospital 36 hours later for a grand total of 3 and a half days at Georgetown University Hospital.
* It has been decided that he has asthma that is triggered by congestion. We are giving him daily allergy meds and a preventative nebulizer every day. We also have some steroid nebulizer treatments to give him if the retraction starts again.
**** I KNOW there are many many many parents who deal with much much much worse conditions and sicknesses with their kids. I do not, by any means, want to imply that this was the "worst thing ever" because I know we are very very blessed. My heart goes out to all those parents who have to spend long stays in the PICU.****
And On To CA
* The day after S was released from the hospital, P and I were supposed to be heading to CA for a conference and househunting.
* Postponed the departure date (a few $$ later) and stayed home until our local pediatrician checked him out and said he was doing fine. This postponement also let us be at home for G's actual birthday, which was an extra special treat since I thought we were going to miss it and I was having immense Mommy-Guilt about that.
* Arrived in CA two days late, but were there in time for my aformentioned size 8 dress. (Read back a post or two for more on that.)
* After the conference, we headed up to Ventura County to surprise some great friends at church who we hadn't seen for 4 years!
* Two days of house-hunting later, we signed a lease in a community we were really excited about living in.
Baby Shower in Chi-Town
* Two days after returning from CA, I headed back to the airport and flew to Chicago.
* Evening One in Chicago = worst nail salon experience ever (I'll write about that another day) and tapas dinner with Dad, my brother-in-law "R", and my most-fabulous sister "K"
* Morning One in Chicago = Hair Salon with K for a chic blow-out, Baby Shower at Tribute Restaurant (WON-DER-FUL) for my sister and my soon-to-be new niece "E" and getting to see lots of great people whom I haven't seen in quite a while.
* Afternoon One in Chicago = Drive up to my hometown to see my bestest high school friend "J" and her brand new baby girl!!! Precious, sweet, cute, loveable, snuggable, darling!!! (my friend's baby is all those things.... not my friend herself, that would be weird!)
* Evening Two in Chicago = Delicious Italian dinner with Mom and K, followed by a sleepover for the three of us at K's city apartment. If only we had Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea to watch!
* Morning Two in Chicago = Photo shoot of my sister and her baby bump, head to O'Hare and fly back to Baltimore.
And that, my friends, is what I did from September 2-October 2.
Which leads us nicely to The Big Move Across Country.... TBMAC....
Monday, August 1, 2011
A List of Lists
We found out last week that we need to be on the other side of the country by November 1. Not too bad, right? That's still a good three months away. Moving is a part of the Navy lifestyle and isn't really unexpected in the least. But now it means it's time to get organized. One thing I know how to do is make a list... and here is my list of lists:
LISTS:
1. Grocery List (always ongoing)
2. Local Activities To Do Before We Move
3. Purge and Organize (basically this is just a list of every room and closet in our house)
4. Things To Do for Renting Our House
5. Things To Do for House-Hunting Trip
6. Things To Do for My Sister's Baby Shower
7. Phone Calls to Make Locally (Utility Companies, Dr's offices, etc.)
8. Phone Calls to Make At Our New House (Housing Office, Pre-Schools, Utilities, etc.)
9. Packing List (Items that need to come with us and NOT get packed by movers)
10. Decisions That Need To Be Made
You know you're making lots of lists when your daughter plays pretend and says, "I'm the Momma and I'm making a list!"
LISTS:
1. Grocery List (always ongoing)
2. Local Activities To Do Before We Move
3. Purge and Organize (basically this is just a list of every room and closet in our house)
4. Things To Do for Renting Our House
5. Things To Do for House-Hunting Trip
6. Things To Do for My Sister's Baby Shower
7. Phone Calls to Make Locally (Utility Companies, Dr's offices, etc.)
8. Phone Calls to Make At Our New House (Housing Office, Pre-Schools, Utilities, etc.)
9. Packing List (Items that need to come with us and NOT get packed by movers)
10. Decisions That Need To Be Made
You know you're making lots of lists when your daughter plays pretend and says, "I'm the Momma and I'm making a list!"
Sunday, July 31, 2011
AND..... We're Back!
Whew. I just enjoyed a thoroughly lovely week in Michigan. Without internet. Or should I say, without reliable internet. Being "unplugged" was fabulous and annoying. Fabulously Annoying, or Annoyingly Fabulous? I'm not sure. But clearly, I'm giddy to be back on-line.
And so... back to our regularly scheduled program.
Our family vacation was quite a classic. We headed to a smallish lake in Michigan where I spent one week every summer from 1981 - 1993. My lake memories are 99.9% great and honestly, I can't even remember the .1% that was not great. I used to build sand castles, read, swim, make-up dance routines with my sister, eat "fluff-a-nutters," nap in a hammock, and get a fantastic tan. This year's vacation was really great too, except not exactly like I remembered it. Turns out when I am the Mom... it's not as vacation-y. I had to clean up the sandy swimsuit bottoms, worry about wee ones drowning, endure hours of pretend shows (although K and I did make up a short synchro inner-tubing routine!), make the sandwiches, and worry about getting enough sun screen on the kids. Ah, responsibilities.
However now we are home, well-tanned, sort-of rested, and happy to have spent so much time together. It's nice to be home with so many soul-satisfying memories tucked away. Tomorrow is Monday and we get back to the real world. Tonight I shall enjoy my last bit of vacation... and maybe eat one last "fluff-a-nutter."
And so... back to our regularly scheduled program.
Our family vacation was quite a classic. We headed to a smallish lake in Michigan where I spent one week every summer from 1981 - 1993. My lake memories are 99.9% great and honestly, I can't even remember the .1% that was not great. I used to build sand castles, read, swim, make-up dance routines with my sister, eat "fluff-a-nutters," nap in a hammock, and get a fantastic tan. This year's vacation was really great too, except not exactly like I remembered it. Turns out when I am the Mom... it's not as vacation-y. I had to clean up the sandy swimsuit bottoms, worry about wee ones drowning, endure hours of pretend shows (although K and I did make up a short synchro inner-tubing routine!), make the sandwiches, and worry about getting enough sun screen on the kids. Ah, responsibilities.
However now we are home, well-tanned, sort-of rested, and happy to have spent so much time together. It's nice to be home with so many soul-satisfying memories tucked away. Tomorrow is Monday and we get back to the real world. Tonight I shall enjoy my last bit of vacation... and maybe eat one last "fluff-a-nutter."
Friday, July 8, 2011
Heading "Home"
I'm getting ready to head home to Illinois this afternoon. I realize that I don't really consider Illinois to be Home, since my own little family isn't there. I don't really consider Maryland to be Home either, although that is where my own little family lives. We've been here for three years, but are preparing to get "on the road again."
I have developed an attitude of like and dislike for every place the Navy has sent us. I'm pretty sure I have unconsciously (consciously now, I guess) decided that to like a place a lot would be to guarantee heartache when it's time to leave. However, I can't hate every place we live because that would make for some long tours. I'd like to think I have a pretty optimistic view of most things... try to see the glass as half-full, but when it comes to places where we lived for 6 months to 3 years I'm pretty sure I maintain a half-full/half-empty balance. Such is the life of a military wife.
The funny, or not-so-funny, thing is that at our current location, I've had a hard time seeing that glass as half-full. I've met a handful of GREAT people, we bought our first house, and we had our third baby here, but overall I've been mentally refilling the cup only to find it empty a few days later. Bah. Maybe that's why I'm so anxious for these next orders; a fresh start, a clean slate, a unbiased viewpoint... that's what I need!
So as I head home-that-used-to-be-home-but-really-doesn't-feel-like-Home-anymore, I know that my true Home will always be where ever my husband and children are. (Awe, cheesey.) But I know if you have been transient you will know what I mean despite the cheese. My heart is most happy, content, safe, and secure when I'm with my life-long pal and three munchkins.
I have developed an attitude of like and dislike for every place the Navy has sent us. I'm pretty sure I have unconsciously (consciously now, I guess) decided that to like a place a lot would be to guarantee heartache when it's time to leave. However, I can't hate every place we live because that would make for some long tours. I'd like to think I have a pretty optimistic view of most things... try to see the glass as half-full, but when it comes to places where we lived for 6 months to 3 years I'm pretty sure I maintain a half-full/half-empty balance. Such is the life of a military wife.
The funny, or not-so-funny, thing is that at our current location, I've had a hard time seeing that glass as half-full. I've met a handful of GREAT people, we bought our first house, and we had our third baby here, but overall I've been mentally refilling the cup only to find it empty a few days later. Bah. Maybe that's why I'm so anxious for these next orders; a fresh start, a clean slate, a unbiased viewpoint... that's what I need!
So as I head home-that-used-to-be-home-but-really-doesn't-feel-like-Home-anymore, I know that my true Home will always be where ever my husband and children are. (Awe, cheesey.) But I know if you have been transient you will know what I mean despite the cheese. My heart is most happy, content, safe, and secure when I'm with my life-long pal and three munchkins.
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