Wednesday, March 7, 2012

It Is What It Is... and It Won't Be What It Was Supposed To Be

I really really don't like the saying "It is what it is." My dad says it a lot.  My husband says it a lot.  It seems to be the man's verbal version of a shoulder shrug.  I would prefer if we could discuss "it." What is "it"? How does "it" make you feel? Why is "it" happening? What can we do to change "it"? If "it" isn't going to go away, how can we best deal with "it?"  See..... there's soooooo much to talk about!  It is what it is.... and then some, thank you very much.

BUT.... alas, it is what it is.  Paul's 4 1/2 month deployment has been extended (again) to 8 months. WHAT?! Remember, how I wrote before he left that this deployment was a "short" one?  Yeah, not really anymore.  "It" is shorter than some... but now kind of longer than most. Lame.

So here I am, 9 days after finding out that we have not 2 months left, but 6 months.  (It's weird to be 2 1/2 months into a 4 month deployment and know that you have 6 months left... "it" is odd math.)  Nevertheless, I'm sitting here telling myself it is what it is.  I've been sad, very very sad; I've been mad; I've been lonely and frustrated and defeated.  Now it is time to accept it, embrace it, and move on.

In order to accept "it" I've had very little work to do. When the Navy has your husband out in the middle of an ocean on a great big gray boat and then tells you they aren't letting him come home until they are good and ready, there's not much for a girl to do.  You can't really say "No!  I do not accept this information." So, I accepted it. Begrudgingly. It is what it is and it won't be what it was supposed to be.

Next came the task of embracing "it."  This one has taken about a week or so.  I'm not sure I've exactly embraced it fully, but I'm getting there.  I have a pretty solid faith in God and His plan for me and my family.  I know that God knows what is going on and I know He knows how I feel about it.  I know that there are many people at our church praying for our family during this deployment and I know those prayers are making a difference.  I can feel them making a difference!  A lot of people say that everything happens for a reason, but I'm not sure how I feel about that in this situation.  I can see this situation for what "it" is... other aircraft carriers are needing maintenance, other countries are acting goofy, my husband is in the military.  So I'm not sure if God has a bigger, deeper reason for this, but I do know that "it" will strengthen my relationship with Him because I absolutely cannot get through the tough days and nights without a good amount of prayers.  This one is so much bigger than me.  It is what it is and it won't be what it was supposed to be.

Lastly, the time has come to move on.  I have taken down our countdown calendar.  I have (sort of) stopped looking for my homecoming outfit.  Sitting around and thinking about what the countdown should be is not helpful and won't make my real countdown go any faster, so I had to stop doing that.  I'm moving on.  I bought myself tickets to see Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw (WOOOOHOOOO)... which I thought would be a fun concert to see with Paul, but now know it will be a fun concert to see with friends.  I am planning a weekend escape to Vegas with some of my Navy friends... we will be coming from California, Washington, Maryland, and Virginia.  You know you're a Navy wife when.  I broke the news to the kids that Daddy won't be home until after the summer is over.   It is what it is and it won't be what it was supposed to be.

Accepting "it" required me to mentally be okay with the information; embracing "it" required me to find some emotional and spiritual peace with the information; and moving on is still requiring me to be active and physically make the choice to not sit around and mope or worry or feel defeated.

I'm pretty sure my husband and my dad can just say "it is what it is," and they don't need to blog about all of it, but what can I say..... it is what it is.
Our previous countdown calendar... after the news of the first extention.  It's now in the trash (except for the pictures).


  1. Betsy, I'm so sorry to hear deployment is extended...again! I know from experience that nothing I can say can make it easier, but hang in there. You're a strong woman and a wonderful mother....plan things to look forward to & be sure to take care of yourself. Praying for a speedy & safe rest of deployment!

  2. When I heard about the extension I thought of you and your family. I'm sorry :(. You can do this!

  3. It's been a while since I checked in with the Bee! How disappointing that you are stuck with a much longer deployment time. I'm sure Paul is equally frustrated. It sounds like you are focusing on that positive attitude (as much as you can) though, and that's a great start! I applaud you. Hang in there!
    Being positive is one thing that my mom had mastered, I try my best to tap into that... Given the lame year or so that I've had, I've been reading some "help" books. Thought you might like this quote: "Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you..." Maybe it will help in some small way?!

  4. B. Meyer, you are AMAZING! God knew EXACTLY what He was doing when he chose you to be a Navy Wife! You are an inspiration for SO many! I love you!

  5. Thank you all for your words of encouragement! Each one of you is totally awesome and I'm glad to have your support. (that sounded like a politician-y thing to say... I didn't mean it that way.)