WEEK TWO: Another spare moment

***I started this blog yesterday, but didn't have time to finish... it's now 24 hours later, and I'm hoping to get it completed***

Merry Christmas, everyone!  I am officially thrilled that this holiday went smoothly at our house but am equally thrilled that it's over.  Now I just need to get through an Anniversary, New Year's Eve, and Valentine's Day and all the obvious "Day To Spend With Your Husband" celebrations will be over.  One down, three to go.  I'm hoping this one will be the most difficult for the following reasons:

Anniversary (this will be second-most-difficult): On our tenth anniversary, I will be hanging out with my sister, brother-in-law, and brand-new niece.  I bet it will be sweet and cuddley and that will make me happy!

New Year's Eve: I have pretty much always hated New Year's Eve.  I always wanted a movie-like New Year's Eve and it has NEVER happened.  Once, in college, we went out to a bar that had a huge cover charge and was trying to be "fancy".... we were downstairs and heard the countdown start upstairs so we tried to run upstairs for the big moment, but missed it.... by the time we got upstairs we realized they were counting down downstairs and we managed to miss that one too.  (What establishment hosts a fancy New Year's Eve party and doesn't coordinate the countdown?!  Who manages to miss both?!)  My best New Year's Eve was '05-'06... Paul and I at a friend's house, playing cards, toasting to "a baby in the New Year" (for them, not us) and we both ended up with new babies by the next New Year's!  So.... I don't think this year's will be too difficult, except for the moment of the kiss... but I've been missing kisses for 2 weeks, so that's nothing new.

Valentine's Day:  I'm also not a big fan of this "holiday" but still, to have Valentine's Day without the hubster will make it a little less exciting.  However.... I will either be celebrating with my Spouse Club for our half-way party OR visiting besties in VA that weekend.  Either will be exceptional.

So... now that the presents are opened and Santa is resting, I too can rest in the fact that I made it through Christmas without my favorite guy.

Below... if I can get it to work.... is a link to a bit of a video from Week Two that will be heading out to the boat in a few days.  Hopefully a weekly video will help Paul from feeling out of the loop. (It's 10 minutes long... which is long when we aren't your family... and you can hear me sing "Happy Birthday" which isn't very in-tune... but it's really for Paul and he's okay with a long video of bad singing.)

Deployment Week Two

A little juxtaposition.....

(Tonight's is a deployment post, tomorrow's will be also - I'm sure, then we'll get back to normal life.)

jux·ta·po·si·tion

   [juhk-stuh-puh-zish-uhn]  Show IPA

noun

1.

an act or instance of placing close together or side by side,especially for comparison or contrast.

2.

the state of being close together or side by side.

My husband leaves, signaling the beginning of the end of his deployment.

My husband leaves, signaling the beginning of the end of my friend's husband's deployment.

Butterflies in my stomach thinking about him leaving. 

Butterfies in my stomach thinking about him coming home.

Not wanting to fall asleep on the night before deployment.

Not being able to fall asleep on the night before homecoming.

The clock ticking by too quickly during our last hours together.

The clock ticking by much too slowly during the last hours apart.

Wondering how I'm going to make it through the months without him.

Wondering how I DID make it through the months without him. 

A Case of PDD - Pre-Deployment Dread

And so begins the countdown clock.  Deployment will begin in a month, give or take (please, please give) a day or two.  Every military family knows the dates will wibble and wobble based on ship movements and who gets to fly-on or walk-on; but a month is pretty much what we are looking at.  It seems like a long time and a short time... all at the same time.  With each day, though, the knot in the pit of my stomach grows and is more difficult to ignore.  It's a severe case of Pre-Deployment Dread.

If you are unfamiliar with PDD, let me break it down for you*:

Causes: PDD is generally caused by an upcoming military deployment.  In most cases, the severity of the dread is directly related to the length of the aforementioned deployment.

Types: PDD can be present in two differing, yet quite similar forms:
              A. Actual Pre-Deployment Dread: This form is evident when a deployment date is real and set     on the calendar. (A)PDD shows more consistent and long-lasting symptoms.  Oftentimes, symptoms are intense and experienced on a daily basis.
             B. Rumored/Hypothetical Pre-Deployment Dread: This form of PDD is experienced when military spouses have discussions with other military spouses or their spouse about the possibility of a deployment.  At times this dread can show itself when a military spouse is sitting alone and just thinking of possibilities in their spouse's career. (R/H)PDD has symptoms that generally last only as long as the discussion/day-dreaming session. (R/H)PDD can prove to be as intense as (A)PDD.


Symptoms: A person experiencing PDD may experience all or some of the following:
      * An undeniable knot in the pit of your stomach making you feel like you may 'toss your cookies' at any moment.
      * Always being on the brink of tears and never quite knowing when they are going to get tired of waiting just beneath the surface and erupt.
      * An intense need to hang on to your spouse when giving hugs.... just about when a "normal" hug would end, you just need to hang on a little bit longer.
      * The inability to complete a chore during the day without thinking of the next stretch of months when you will be doing the chore alone.
      *  Continually looking at the calendar and doing mental math as to how many more weeks or days you have until D-Day.
      * Grumpily picking up supplies to make calendar squares.
      * Day-dreaming of holidays and family celebrations that you will celebrate with your 'better half' half a world away... and either feeling super-sad, super-irritated,  or super-bold in your determination to make it a fun celebration anyway... or feeling all three emotions at the same time.
      * Alternating between a deep sense of pride in the military branch that your family is serving in and a deep sense of hatred; always knowing full well you will circle back around to the pride.
      * Making many mental lists of how you are going to improve yourself, organize your house, keep your kids busy, stay in touch with your spouse, and somehow enjoy the deployment.
      * Making many metal lists of how you are going to stretch out in the bed at night, watch whatever you want to on television, eat popcorn for dinner if you so feel like it, and not pick up dirty underwears off the floor.
      * Snapping at your spouse for no particular reason, while knowing deep down it's just because you don't want him to leave.

Diagnosis: If you answer "yes" to these three questions, you can go ahead an diagnose yourself with PDD:
1. Is/Will your spouse be deployed in the future?
2. Do you feel grumpy, sad, and dread-ful about it?
3. Are you experiencing any of the listed symptoms?

Treatment: Treatment for PDD varies depending on each person's personality.  Some treatments include:
       * Allow yourself a Day of Dread. Just wallow in it for a bit but tell yourself you're going to have to get over it.
       * When suffering the symptom of needing longer hugs from your spouse, go ahead and hug longer. Hug more often.
       * Make those mental lists into real lists that you can add to instead of re-hashing them in your mind.
       * Talk to another military spouse about how your feeling, but make sure it doesn't turn into a complete complain fest for you both... otherwise symptoms will most likely increase.
       * Talk to your spouse about your dread.  (I highly recommend beginning this conversation with something along the lines of, "I'm not mad at YOU and I'm not blaming you, I know you would stay home if you could.  I just want to tell you how I feel.")
       * Pray about it.  No one on Earth understands you better than the Big Guy Upstairs.
       * Go shopping, but instead of picking up random things, try to come up with something that will be useful during the deployment.  (a workout DVD, a long-term craft, cards to mail to the hubster, a bottle of wine for each month of deployment, whatever works for you... )
       * Accept that it just sort of SUCKS right now, but before long you'll be experiencing Deployment Daze and then Homecoming Highs.


*PLEASE NOTE: this is completely made up and is just what is floating through my head when I'm not making mental lists of Things I will Hate During Deployment and Things I will Enjoy During Deployment.  If you are experiencing real-life symptoms of depression, please please please respect that and go talk to your doctor about it. 


And in honor of my PDD, here's a picture of my most-favorite Deployer (from two years & one kid ago... but it's my ultimate favorite photo):

   

TBMAC - "Home Is...

.... WHERE THE NAVY SENDS YOU."

So way back when we came out to California for house-hunting, we signed a lease on an almost-perfect home in the off-base military housing.  It wasn't quite our 1st choice, but after taking a look at the location and lay-out we were happy with it and signed a lease.  It was where the Navy sent us.  Then, on the night before our packers were to arrive we recieved a phone call from the Housing Office telling us that they were going to break our lease because the home was no longer available (long story short).  After about 24 hours of pitching a bit of a fit/panic attack/freak out, I came to grips with the fact that our 2nd choice for a home was not going to be a choice any longer. On to our 3rd choice, it's where the Navy sent us. 

... WHERE YOUR HEART IS."

So the Navy Housing assigned us to this home, the Personal Property worked to get our household goods delivered (a bit late, but delivered none-the-less), and it is our job to grow our family here.  

Although this home was not our first choice, I am really quite pleased with it.  It is smaller than our previous home in Maryland so we have a bit of a "Lots of Furniture in Every Room" motif going on.  You want a place to sit?!  You can sit here or here or here or here or here or here! Anywhere! However, that will be good for entertaining, right? Hosting spouse club meetings, playgroups, parties, visitors from the East Coast (hint hint, you know who you are) will all be easy in this home.  That is where my heart is. I love having people in my home; I am an extrovert and can't deny it. 

Our home has four bedrooms, and we are blessed to be able to give each of our kiddos their own room.  Grace gets a frilly girl room with a fuzzy pink toile bedspread, Matthew got a new bunk bed and gets to choose if he wants to sleep on top or bottom every single night, and Sam will get to sleep in a big boy twin bed as soon as he's ready (we tried last night... we found him under his crib... he's not ready). I have really enjoyed making each room a special place for each kid, and they loved helping put things in their new places.  That is where my heart is.  I love embracing each child's unique personality and flare.

My husband has been on leave for two weeks and we got to set-up our home TOGETHER.  We have one more month and a few days before he heads out on deployment and I am grateful for the time we get to spend with him.  He is where my heart is. 

...HOME SWEET HOME."

I'm so happy that the Navy has sent us here, that it is an "accompanied" tour and our family gets to be together, and Paul is home for a few more weeks!

Heading "Home"

I'm getting ready to head home to Illinois this afternoon.  I realize that I don't really consider Illinois to be Home, since my own little family isn't there.  I don't really consider Maryland to be Home either, although that is where my own little family lives.  We've been here for three years, but are preparing to get "on the road again."

I have developed an attitude of like and dislike for every place the Navy has sent us.  I'm pretty sure I have unconsciously (consciously now, I guess) decided that to like a place a lot would be to guarantee heartache when it's time to leave.  However, I can't hate every place we live because that would make for some long tours.  I'd like to think I have a pretty optimistic view of most things... try to see the glass as half-full, but when it comes to places where we lived for 6 months to 3 years I'm pretty sure I maintain a half-full/half-empty balance.  Such is the life of a military wife.

The funny, or not-so-funny, thing is that at our current location, I've had a hard time seeing that glass as half-full.  I've met a handful of GREAT people, we bought our first house, and we had our third baby here, but overall I've been mentally refilling the cup only to find it empty a few days later. Bah.  Maybe that's why I'm so anxious for these next orders; a fresh start, a clean slate, a unbiased viewpoint... that's what I need!

So as I head home-that-used-to-be-home-but-really-doesn't-feel-like-Home-anymore, I know that my true Home will always be where ever my husband and children are.  (Awe, cheesey.)  But I know if you have been transient you will know what I mean despite the cheese.  My heart is most happy, content, safe, and secure when I'm with my life-long pal and three munchkins.

A Little Post-Fourth of July Post

So yesterday was the Fourth of July, which is always a great holiday for us Americans.  I do think of myself as  above-average patriotic.  I think I'm patriotic almost to the point of cheesiness.  I like me some Americana country songs and even get a little teary-eyed when I hear them.  I dress myself, and now my family, in some sort of red, white, and blue, every year on Independence Day.  USA!  That's me.

This enthusiasm for our country goes back as long as I can remember.  When I was 4 or 5 I dressed up as the Statue of Liberty for the town's Fourth of July celebration.  For the next decade or so, maybe not quite, I participated in the town's kiddie parade.  My sister and I would get up early on the Fourth to intertwine crepe paper in our bicycle spokes.  We would don every single piece of red, white, and blue clothing we had.  One highlight year, my cousins were visiting and they pulled me in a wagon while I sat on a rocking chair (on the wagon) dressed as Betsy Ross and pretended to sew the American flag.  I'm 99% sure we won an award that year.

The patriotism wasn't just a Fourth of July thing for me though.  Yearround I took great pride in being in charge of putting our flag out in the morning and taking it down after dinner.  I would gasp if I ever saw a flag touch the ground.  The Pledge of Allegiance meant a lot to me, and I really did love our country.  I grew up with idealistic notions that the rest of the world loved us, that the politicians were always looking out for the common man, and democracy was a smooth-running machine.

Obviously as I got older and wiser, the reality of foreign sentiments towards the US, politicians' creepiness and corruption, and a lesson in government (not in high school but that's a different story) opened my eyes to what was really going on.  The vibrancy of the red, white, and blue faded a little, but the underlying pride in our country and what we, as a nation, stand for is still deep in my heart.

I do not believe those who serve in our military automatically love our country more than the civilians.  I know there are many servicemembers who joined up for an opportunity to get a free education, see the world, etc., without a single glimmer of patriotism.  The military was a means to an end.  I also know there are many civilians who are passionate about the USA and are working directly or indirectly to improve the lives of every American.

Being married to a servicemember is one way my patriotism comes through.  Granted, I would have married my husband if he was a teacher, a garbage man, or a basket weaver, because I love the man he is.  I did not go looking for a Navy guy to marry.  However, I'm not sure I could get through deployments, living far distances from my family, saying good-bye to very dear friends every few years if I did not believe in the reason why we do those things.  I love our country.  I want it to be protected every day, in war or peace. When my husband leaves for weeks or months, I know we are not doing it for a bigger pay check or any other convenience, we are doing it to defend a country that I have loved and continue to love since I was a little girl marching around waving an American flag.